The Upside of Being a Nudist

Doing laundry is a vicious cycle: wash, dry, iron, fold, put away. Laundry is never done. It is one task that can’t be crossed off a to-do list. The other morning, while lying in bed staring at a teetering pile of clean laundry waiting to be put away, I began to contemplate the benefits of becoming a nudist. I discovered that there are definite financial, environmental and time-saving advantages.

 Financial Benefits:

• Here in the Northeast, we need to buy clothing suitable for 4 seasons. A wardrobe that extensive gets pricey. Being a nudist eliminates the need for all that spending.
• If you aren’t wearing clothes, you can spend less money on shoes. You won’t have to buy shoes to match an outfit.
• No duds means less suds. You’ll only be washing sheets, towels and socks*which considerably cuts down on the amount of laundry detergent you need to purchase. (*My feet are always cold so I’d need to be a nudist with socks.)
• There’s no need to buy a laundry basket, iron or ironing board. Cha-ching!
• I am short and always need to have my clothes altered. This gets very expensive. A birthday suit is a custom fit for everyone. No alterations needed – although there are many people who choose to alter their birthday suits, but that’s a different subject altogether.
• Your utility bills will be lower as your washer and dryer will be idle more often.
• Undoubtedly, social invitations from your clothes-wearing friends will dwindle once you become a nudist. Friends who don’t embrace your new lifestyle will be embarrassed to be seen in public, and maybe in private, with you. While this may cause feelings of loneliness, you can save money by not eating out, attending concerts or going to movies.

 Environmental Benefits:

• Without the need to wash your wardrobe you will be conserving water.
• Using the washer, dryer and iron less means using less electricity.
• No more plastic hangers. You won’t have anything to hang.

   Time-Saving Benefits:

• Standing in your closet trying to decide what outfit to wear steals precious minutes from your life. Being a nudist gives you that time back. However, fewer social invitations and more time on your hands might lead to boredom and depression.
• No sorting, washing, folding, ironing and putting clothes away means hours of free time each week to explore new hobbies.
• With an empty social calendar you’ll finally have time to learn a second language, write a novel or balance your checkbook.

There are some inherent flaws in my theory. Not everything about being a nudist is as great as I am making it sound.

The Downside:

• In general, nudity is frowned upon in the workplace. If you work from home, it’s probably not against company policy.
• In a climate that is not conducive to year-round nudity, outerwear would be necessary during the colder months.
• Shoes are a must. Safety first.
• Exposure to the sun can put you at risk for skin cancer. You’ll need to slather on lots of sunscreen. The purchase of so much sunscreen is an added expense, but it is offset by the savings described earlier in the financial benefits section.
• When you are out in public, people may stare, point, shield their eyes or avoid you completely. Some might consider this a positive aspect of being a nudist.
• Without clothing, accessories become a vital way to express your personality. Choosing large accessories that are carefully positioned can offer the reluctant nudist some coverage. You may need to purchase more accessories which may eat away at the money you have saved by shedding your clothes.
• Getting a table in a restaurant would be problematic. The discriminatory “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign is ubiquitous in fast food restaurants and an unspoken rule in fine dining establishments. This policy could probably be challenged in court since the signs don’t specifically mention the wearing of pants.

While being a nudist offers financial, environmental and time-saving benefits, it is a major lifestyle change that not everyone is ready to accept.

Ugh, gotta go! The dryer just buzzed and I have laundry to fold.

The evolution of laundry. Clothes waiting to be washed on the left. Clean clothes waiting to be put away teetering on the baskets. Wrinkled clothes waiting to be ironed hanging on the doorknob.