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The Upside of Being a Nudist

Doing laundry is a vicious cycle: wash, dry, iron, fold, put away. Laundry is never done. It is one task that can’t be crossed off a to-do list. The other morning, while lying in bed staring at a teetering pile of clean laundry waiting to be put away, I began to contemplate the benefits of becoming a nudist. I discovered that there are definite financial, environmental and time-saving advantages.

 Financial Benefits:

  • Here in the Northeast, we need to buy clothing suitable for 4 seasons. A wardrobe that extensive gets pricey. Being a nudist eliminates the need for all that spending.
  • If you aren’t wearing clothes, you can spend less money on shoes. You won’t have to buy shoes to match an outfit.
  • No duds means less suds. You’ll only be washing sheets, towels and socks*which considerably cuts down on the amount of laundry detergent you need to purchase. (*My feet are always cold so I’d need to be a nudist with socks.)
  • There’s no need to buy a laundry basket, iron or ironing board. Cha-ching!
  • I am short and always need to have my clothes altered. This gets very expensive. A birthday suit is a custom fit for everyone. No alterations needed – although there are many people who choose to alter their birthday suits, but that’s a different subject altogether.
  • Your utility bills will be lower as your washer and dryer will be idle more often.
  • Undoubtedly, social invitations from your clothes-wearing friends will dwindle once you become a nudist. Friends who don’t embrace your new lifestyle will be embarrassed to be seen in public, and maybe in private, with you. While this may cause feelings of loneliness, you can save money by not eating out, attending concerts or going to movies.

 Environmental Benefits:

  • Without the need to wash your wardrobe you will be conserving water.
  • Using the washer, dryer and iron less means using less electricity.
  • No more plastic hangers. You won’t have anything to hang.

   Time-Saving Benefits:

  • Standing in your closet trying to decide what outfit to wear steals precious minutes from your life. Being a nudist gives you that time back. However, fewer social invitations and more time on your hands might lead to boredom and depression.
  • No sorting, washing, folding, ironing and putting clothes away means hours of free time each week to explore new hobbies.
  • With an empty social calendar you’ll finally have time to learn a second language, write a novel or balance your checkbook.

There are some inherent flaws in my theory. Not everything about being a nudist is as great as I am making it sound.

The Downside:

  • In general, nudity is frowned upon in the workplace. If you work from home, it’s probably not against company policy.
  • In a climate that is not conducive to year-round nudity, outerwear would be necessary during the colder months.
  • Shoes are a must. Safety first.
  • Exposure to the sun can put you at risk for skin cancer. You’ll need to slather on lots of sunscreen. The purchase of so much sunscreen is an added expense, but it is offset by the savings described earlier in the financial benefits section.
  • When you are out in public, people may stare, point, shield their eyes or avoid you completely. Some might consider this a positive aspect of being a nudist.
  • Without clothing, accessories become a vital way to express your personality. Choosing large accessories that are carefully positioned can offer the reluctant nudist some coverage. You may need to purchase more accessories which may eat away at the money you have saved by shedding your clothes.
  • Getting a table in a restaurant would be problematic. The discriminatory “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign is ubiquitous in fast food restaurants and an unspoken rule in fine dining establishments. This policy could probably be challenged in court since the signs don’t specifically mention the wearing of pants.

While being a nudist offers financial, environmental and time-saving benefits, it is a major lifestyle change that not everyone is ready to accept.

Ugh, gotta go! The dryer just buzzed and I have laundry to fold.

The evolution of laundry. Clothes waiting to be washed on the left. Clean clothes waiting to be put away teetering on the baskets. Wrinkled clothes waiting to be ironed hanging on the doorknob.

About Paprika Furstenburg

I was born with an overly developed sense of humor and poor coordination. The combination of these two character traits has taught me humility and given me the perspective to find the funny in everyday experiences.

33 responses »

  1. Pingback: The Upside of Being a Nudist | roxcey

  2. I’m soooo late to the party. I loved this post! Glad to have found you, waylaid from Angie’s page. From the looks of it, nudity is the next logical step in my quest for sustainability. Perhaps it’s a good thing I still have my high school body.

    Reply
    • Welcome, Shannon! Glad you’re now Good Humored. The more the merrier. I admire your willingness to take it all off for the environment. I still have my high school body, too. It’s just heavier and more wrinkly than it was back then.

      Reply
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  4. In lieu of another semi-eloquent comment, I give you this:

    I swear to god, it was the first thing that popped into my mind and I totally had fun googling

    Calvin and Hobbes, Nudists – because I forgot the brackets and didn’t have my safe search turned on

    http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQaMABAcy5ydWDoBzSYda9JHnf_mZ2Vj4rJNy_rGp8nvMHq9fZS6osINLg

    Don’t worry though, this is suited for all audiences 😉

    Reply
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  6. Funny post (sorry, the dryer buzzed) Some will never be able to be a nudist without clothing labels. Accessories could fill in to express status, but you know how many knock-offs there are. Thanks for the giggles

    Reply
  7. You get the award for blog originality of the day. While the rest of us are wolfing down twix and twizzlers, you are contemplating nudity as a way of life. I’m spitting out the m&m’s as I type.
    Not quite nude ready but working on it!

    Reply
    • Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave such a great comment! I am a looooong way from being “nude ready” as you say. It’s not really the nudity that’s appealing as much as it is the lack of laundry. Hope you’ll be back to read more.

      Reply
  8. Vivian Landsburg

    No time to enter much of a comment————gotta go empty the dryer.
    Vivian

    Reply
  9. LOL! Having found myself in a co-ed nude spa one time, I learned that being a nudist, for me, requires extensive body sculpting!! Wonderfully funny perspective on the trials and tribulations of doing laundry vs. not having any laundry!!

    Reply
  10. The key to being a nudist is not caring what other people think of your body, no matter what you look like. I don’t know if this requires courage or a “Who cares?” attitude?

    Reply
  11. Think I just need for my husband to become a nudist. It’s washing the daily T shirts and dress shirts(which also need ironing) and pairing the socks that gets to me. This post was very thought-provoking! Loved it!!

    Reply
  12. Nudism might be the only way to guarantee that I will lose weight and keep it off. So there you go…another benefit.

    Reply
  13. All very valid points however the world is not ready to me in my birthday suit :O

    Reply
  14. Another downside: Nude yoga could get really ugly.

    Reply
  15. Being the object of ridicule is, indeed, a shortcoming of going through life in one’s birthday suit–even when among others who share that passion. I recall the time another scout leader and I mistakenly took several boys for an afternoon hike on the Atlantic Highlands beach heading toward a lighthouse where there was to be a ceremony marking the issuance of a new stamp. We approached a section of the beach where the patrons were getting the benefit of full sun exposure. I overheard one senior-ish lady scold one of the scouts, remarking…”Sonny, I think you are on the wrong beach.” Before I could intervene, the quick-witted scout (after giving the women a quick glance) sternly countered with, “Lady, I think YOU’RE THE ONE on the wrong beach.” Needless to say, we quickly ushered him and the rest of the boys off the beach.

    Reply
  16. LOL! Hysterical! Loved it!

    Reply
  17. I think it would be too cold for me to be a nudist even in the summer! It would also be expensive considering the body altering work I would need!

    Reply

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