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Like many bloggers, I check my statistics page frequently. For the non-bloggers reading this, WordPress provides an assortment of information including the number of views the blog has had, which posts people have been reading and the search terms that led them to the blog. During my first six months blogging, I was only marginally interested in the search terms. These words didn’t register on my mental radar screen until the day I saw that someone searched for “man shoveling huge pile of pee” and found their way to my blog. How did a search on that topic direct someone to Good Humored? Why is someone searching for this? How exactly does one shovel a pile of liquid? There are so many disturbing components to this statement that it could be an entire post on its own.

Oregano and I quickly realized the entertainment value of this portion of the statistics page and never overlooked it again. Every day we amused ourselves by matching search terms to my posts. Some associations were easy to spot. The numerous, daily “Imelda Marcos shoes” searches led people to The Pick-Up Artist. The search on “mouse pox experiment” was more obscure. Our best guess was that this search pointed to The End of The Great Summer Blog Experiment, although no mice were harmed during that experiment. In fact, there weren’t any mice at all in that experiment. Sensing the humor in these search terms, I started recording them and after a few weeks, a pattern emerged. There are a lot of people considering nudism as a lifestyle and they have a lot of questions. The post titled The Upside of Being a Nudist lured these knowledge seekers to Good Humored. I collected and organized the nudism related searches into categories to make them easier to share with you. None of these have been altered or embellished for the sake of comedy, as you will read; there was no need to do that.

The Philosophers:

“should I become a nudist”

“why become a nudist”

“can you become a nudist @ 15”

“should I wear clothes or become a nudist”

“why is being a nudist good”

Becoming a nudist is a personal choice that can impact social lives and careers. Why are people consulting Google about this major life change? Why not use a Magic 8 Ball, too? Since these people are seeking answers, I will offer this bit of advice as a lifelong non-nudist. If you are considering becoming a nudist, but are unsure, why not gently ease yourself into this new lifestyle before you give away all of your clothes? Become a part-time nudist. Start by walking around your house naked. Then, try removing your shirt in public and see how things go. If you enjoy the experience, keep subtracting clothing until you get down to your birthday suit. I wish there was some way that I could connect the  people who are contemplating nudism as a way of life with the individuals who searched on  “being a nudist is great” and “joy of being a nudist.” Whoever these people are, they seem to love being nude and would probably be great spokespeople for nudism.

These next two searches did not appear on the same day, but I have taken the liberty of combining them here as I think they are inherently related to each other:

“motivate myself to be a nudist”

“nudism and losing weight”

If you have to psych yourself up to become a nudist, you might not be ready to make the change. On the other hand, perhaps seeing your naked self reflected in the mirrors and windows you pass would serve as a constant reminder to make healthy food choices and exercise more often. The disgusted stares of passersby might be all the motivation you need to lose weight. Being a nudist would help shave a few pounds off the scale, but it does seem a bit extreme. Why not weigh yourself without your clothes then put them back on?

The Befuddled:

“how to become a nudist”

“when did I become a nudist”

On the surface, how to become a nudist seems like a relatively easy question to answer: take off your clothes and leave them off. I’m sure there are more specifics about nudism culture and etiquette on the web, but that information can’t be found on my blog. My bigger concern is reserved for the person who doesn’t remember when he or she became a nudist. How does someone not know this? Was becoming a nudist a conscious choice or did this person wake up naked in a field with no memory of adopting this new lifestyle only to return home to find all of their closets and drawers bare?

The Pragmatists:

“nudists doing chores”

“nudist @ iron”

Even nudists have chores to do. Floors need to be swept. Dishes need to be washed. Not wearing clothes doesn’t excuse one from these mundane household tasks. The search about a nudist ironing really intrigued me. What does a nudist have to iron? Socks? Tablecloths? Towels? Ironing in the buff is a potential health hazard. It can’t be a good idea to have exposed body parts dangling near a hot iron. To me, one of the benefits of being a nudist is the freedom from the drudgery of laundry and ironing.

Someone else wondered “when is it too cold to be a nudist?” That’s an excellent question, but it is subjective. Each person’s tolerance for cold temperatures is different. Is it too cold when you shiver? Get goosebumps? Have icicles hanging off of your uncovered appendages? Shoveling while naked might be where some nudists draw the line. Even a die-hard nudist has limits. One doesn’t want to die of exposure.

Whatever search it was that led these wanna-be nudists and nudism enthusiasts to Good Humored, I hope they were eventually able to find the information they were looking for because it certainly wasn’t contained on this blog. As for the person who was searching for “man shoveling huge pile of pee,” … good luck with that.

About Paprika Furstenburg

I was born with an overly developed sense of humor and poor coordination. The combination of these two character traits has taught me humility and given me the perspective to find the funny in everyday experiences.

41 responses »

  1. Almost an hour spent surfing the web with phrases that led to my page. After page 62 I just gave up. I mean, isn’t everything that lies beyond page 1 practically non-existent?

    Reply
    • Oregano and I didn’t have much luck either when we input the search terms that led people to my blog. Maybe those people are really persistent web surfers because, like you, I think anyting beyond page 1 is virtually non-existent.

      Reply
  2. This post is brilliant on a number of levels:
    1) It’s funny and well-written – as usual.
    2) You are now even more likely to gather followers based on nudist-related search terms.
    3) It’s given me an idea for a series of illustrations; sort of a ‘nudist ABCs’ (which should have the added benefit of luring the nude-curious to *my* blog as well). Thanks!

    Reply
    • Thanks, Gabriel! If people decide to follow my blog based on nudist-related searches they will very quickly be disappointed. I’m glad I could help to inspire a new art series. I hope it lures many new people, nude-curious or not, to your blog.

      Reply
  3. Hmmm…I wonder if your category “Pragmatists” might well be labelled “Searching for porn” if you were to analyse them another way. Not that I just performed any of those searches or anything…*cough*

    Reply
    • I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. Interesting point. I suppose men might think someone unclothed doing chores is sexy. Most women think it is sexy if someone, other than themselves, is doing the chores. It wouldn’t matter if that person was clothed or unclothed.

      Reply
  4. I don’t have a shovel-full of pee, but if it’s poop you’re looking for, I’m your dog! woo woo woo!

    Reply
  5. Elyse just told me to check out your post as we were apparently smoking from the same nudist pipe yesterday. (How is it I missed this post when I subscribe to your blog?) You have no idea how many people are brought to my blog looking for Shaun Cassidy’s underwear. A lot. I’d rather get those lurkers than those of the “man shoveling pee” variety. Hilarious!

    Reply
    • This is weird on so many levels. We both wrote about nudity and I didn’t get your post in my inbox today either. Maybe since both of our posts were about nudity they cancelled each other out in the blog universe.
      Shaun Cassidy’s underwear? Just the underwear or him in the underwear?

      Reply
      • Maybe WordPress has now flagged us as being the same person operating two accounts, because why would two people want to write about not only nakedness but really bad nightmare nakedness? Uh-oh.

  6. This is my favorite post of yours yet. And not only because the previous post I read related to nudity, too. Apparently it is some sort of after-glow from too much chocolate and champagne consumed on Valentine’s Day. You might enjoy Angie’s post too: http://childhoodrelived.com/2012/02/16/we-have-to-get-naked/#comment-2531

    Reply
    • Thanks, Elyse! I can’t take all the credit, with those search terms this post practically wrote itself.

      That’s so funny that Angie and I wrote about nudity. Thanks for including the link. Her story was more traumatic than mine, but the mental image of someone trying to shovel pee is disturbing in its own right.

      Reply
    • This is all too weird Elyse. Since we both suffered from a subscription glitch today, we owe you for connecting us to each others’ nakedness. Yeah, that sounds bad.

      Reply
  7. Amazing! What a great post – thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  8. Thank you for sharing these. They are hysterical and a little disturbing!

    Reply
  9. Love the post, and the title. You can just imagine what gems my post, “What’s your porn name?” brought me in terms of searches. I’d share, but I don’t want to tarnish your comment thread.

    Reply
  10. Looks like all of us at a certain point, stop looking at numbers and start looking at the search engines stuff. Word Press tagged my grandmother post with immigration and boy did I get weird hits on that one. Actually, I was wondering if opening a business counseling people on immigration was in my future! Based on the search topics the used, I don’t think we really want to encourage them to come here.
    Perhaps you could offer counseling on nudism with all of your experience!

    Reply
  11. Very funny analyses! Clever take on nudistd! Brrr!

    Reply
  12. I’ve been saving up my own list for a blog post someday,and some are quite wonderful. But I have to admit, I don’t have anyone searching for a shoveled pile of pee.
    Now I have a new goal.

    Reply
  13. Some of the search terms I find on my blog are disturbing. I’d much rather have nudists visiting my site! If nothing else, it certainly makes me more aware before I title a post now. At least all the nudists out there who land on your site will now have some excellent advice to take away!

    Reply
    • I try to be mindful of the tags that I use for my posts. When I wrote the Perils of Going Topless, I was really worried about the clientele that might attract. A few hours after I posted that story I got a comment from someone calling himself Boobmeister. Turns out it was just my dad trying to trick me.

      Reply
  14. I agree. I also find it amusing how such weird search terms lead to my blog. I will try to do what you have done here, let’s see what i will be able to discover.

    btw, are you a Filipina too?

    Reply
  15. “What does a nudist have to iron?”
    Damn, I’m addicted to another blog!

    Reply
    • I literally burst out laughing when I read that nudist @ iron search term. I’m just thankful I didn’t have any liquids in my mouth at the time or I’d be buying myself a new monitor.

      As for your addiction, I recommend that you don’t seek counseling for your problem.

      Reply
  16. Thanks for the chuckle. some of the search items on my blog have just left me befuddled, bewildered and baffled. Not to mention flummoxed (which I left off cuz it didn’t fit in with the whole alliteration thing).

    Reply
  17. He he he. I always get a kick out of some of the search terms. Pretty funny what people look for. I have not had anybody that looked for anything nudist related. 🙂

    Reply
  18. I, too, have found great humor in the search terms that help people reach my blog. Some are so obscure that I can’t even fathom how they are connected to my blog! I am going to do a post onthem one of these days as well. Great minds think alike!

    Reply

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