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Chronicles of a Corona Captive – Days 54-60

Can’t stop baking…can’t stop baking…can’t stop baking…I had to bake for Oregano’s birthday, but apparently those Thin Mint cupcakes unleashed the vanilla scented beast I had been fighting so hard to contain. In one week, I made the aforementioned cupcakes, dill pickle bread and a tropical banana bread with coconut and pineapple. Friends who knew the baking beast was running rampant in my kitchen volunteered to do drive-by pick-ups of my baked goods. I’m not sure if that speaks to the quality of my baking skills or the fact that they are desperate to get out of the house. Either way, I have found a solution to my craving for baking and my aversion to the calories that result from consumption of the finished product. I’m calling it the Paprika Furstenburg Calorie Distribution Program.

Our governor is talking about reopening beaches for Memorial Day weekend. I can only imagine the tan lines the masks will leave.

One of the good things about being stuck at home is that there is now time to stop and smell the roses. Well, the roses aren’t blooming here yet, but I have been able to watch birds. I’ve gotten a front row seat to watch blue buntings and woodpeckers feeding their babies.

Oregano needed another haircut. This is the third time. You’d think I’d be getting the hang of it by now, but I am actually getting worse. After this attempt, his hair is lumpy and uneven, or as I referred to it…wavy. It’s quite a look. Now the poor guy will have to wear a mask AND a hat when he leaves the house.

My hair, on the other hand, has not been cut. I put on my sunglasses the other day and noticed a striking resemblance to Cousin It from The Addams Family TV show from the 1960s.

All I am missing is the hat.

This pandemic has made me realize that we have been reduced to a more primitive version of ourselves: hunter gatherers. As is traditional, I have become the gatherer of our family spending an hour a day scouring the internet for hand sanitizer, wipes and any other products we need, but can’t find. Oregano hunts in the grocery store every week and comes home with his bounty.

My gathering skills might need some honing though. I finally found hand sanitizer spray online. The fine print said it was made with 70% alcohol and an essential oil blend called “dragon’s breath.” You’d think that a name like that would have scared me off, but hand sanitizer is hard to come by these days and even harder to have delivered to your door. I did my due diligence and looked up the components of dragon’s breath blend. It seemed harmless enough: lemon, cinnamon, eucalyptus, peppermint, oregano and clove. The hand sanitizer arrived (all 5 bottles of it) and let me tell you, dragon’s breath blend is aptly named. I don’t know who got close enough to determine the exact chemical make-up of a dragon’s breath, but I dare say they nailed it with this combination! Yikes! I have no idea how effective the hand sanitizing properties of this mixture are, but I do know that spraying this on our hands will certainly make it easier for people to keep an appropriate amount of distance between us and them.

About Paprika Furstenburg

I was born with an overly developed sense of humor and poor coordination. The combination of these two character traits has taught me humility and given me the perspective to find the funny in everyday experiences.

10 responses »

  1. You got me with the tan lines; well done. 🙂

    I need to borrow your husband. I keep sneaking into what I think are “out of the way” stores, but I can’t for the life of me find any wipes or sanitizer. Good on you guys for collectively achieving your booty. – Marty

    Reply
    • Being in a store when wipes and sanitizer are in stock has about the same statistical likelihood of being in the woods when Sasquatch happens to amble past.

      I hope your search yields some results soon.

      Reply
  2. I love the birds! We don’t get those kind here, but we have had some tiny ones appear in the trees behind my place — unfortunately too tiny for me to see other than the movement. I know they were birds because of the way they swooped in among the branches — and they sang.

    I laughed at the idea of the tan lines (one can hope there will be mask tans) and your resemblance to Cousin It 🙂

    May your dragon’s breath keep the virus away from you and all those in your vicinity. It sounds vile — but that may prove to be a good thing. People might not notice the creative haircuts if they are desperately trying to breathe and run away.

    Be well!

    Reply
    • The dragon’s breath smells so awful, I will be grateful for the mask and not just to protect me from the virus. Hadn’t thought of its benefit in preventing people from noticing the bad haircut. Who knew this stinky stuff was so versatile.

      Stay safe and be well.

      Reply
  3. Great posts! Keep ’em coming!!
    Love you both!

    Reply
  4. You are both adorable and I love you so much!

    Reply
  5. Excellent writing as usual, and those pictures of the birds are amazing!! Nice job taking those close-ups!!

    Don’t worry about my hair – it’s already starting to look better. I don’t really care what my hair looks like if nobody else is looking at me. Besides, those cupcakes were so good, you can shave me bald and I won’t care, as long as the baked goods keep on coming.

    Remember, I’ll be happy to return the favor and cut your hair, so you don’t look like Cousin It. Of course, there’s an excellent chance you might look worse!

    I’m glad I am quarantined with you – there’s nobody else I would rather be with. Love, Oregano

    Reply

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