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Chronicles of a Corona Captive – Days 33-37

Left the house for the first time in weeks. As we passed a mechanic, I noticed that they were advertising a free roll of toilet paper with any service. While I applaud their timely marketing technique, they are giving away “a roll” of toilet paper. One measly roll of toilet paper is all I get for bringing my car in for a service which costs considerably more than a case of toilet paper? Come on, guys! I know toilet paper is scarce, but unless I am desperate, offering me a single roll of free toilet paper is not going to entice me to your service center.

Saw a story on the news that the cosmetic company L’Oreal has reported an increase in sales of beauty products and hair dye. I completely understand the uptick in sales of hair dye, but not the beauty products. I haven’t worn make-up since March 13th. During every video conference call I have had for work or with friends, none of us has make-up on. Some of us are brave enough to go au natural to a video call and others just turn off their cameras. Who’s buying all this make-up?

Decided to try to come up with a craft project to keep myself occupied. I spent hours on Etsy, Pintrest and Amazon searching for craft ideas or kits. Nothing was inspiring me. What did come up during my search for mosaic tile kits, stencils and cross-stitch was a penis pinata. I have no idea how that popped into my search on Etsy, but nevertheless there it was. I couldn’t keep an item this unique to myself so I shared the link with a friend. She suggested that a pinata might be a fun way to kill some time. Oregano was uncomfortable with the idea of whacking a stick at a papier-mache penis even if he was guaranteed to get candy afterwards.

We had put it off as long as possible, but we had to do something about Keebler’s claws. We knew we’d need to drug him with a tranquilizer even if we were just taking him to the emergency vet, so we decided that before we committed to a $200 feline pedicure, we’d attempt an at home salon treatment. Saturday morning, we spiked Keebler’s tuna and waited 90 minutes for the calming effects of the tranquilizer to begin to take hold. So much for that plan. Two hours later, Keebler was wide awake and chasing the chipmunks as they scurried past the sliding glass doors to the patio. Not only was he not sleeping, he wasn’t even groggy. Maybe next time we should consider one of those tranquilzer darts they use on tigers. We had no choice but to commence with wrangling procedures to get him into his carrier to go to the vet. After 10 minutes of high-spirited evasion tactics, Keebler relented, got into his carrier and cowered in the corner. As a last-ditch desperation attempt, I decided to try to cut his claws while he was confined. It was either going to work or be a steel cage death match. Oregano scruffed the poor frightened furball and I managed to maneuver the clippers and extract one paw at a time until all of his claws were cut. That is a big win for the humans and their opposable thumbs!

The Mystery of the Missing Thin Mints continues, but this time it is at Linus’s expense. When Linus heard me getting the carrier to take Keebler to the vet, he disappeared. We figured he’d come out eventually when things quieted down, but he didn’t. Oregano and I started hunting all through the house looking for him. As we searched in closets, under beds, behind furniture and in all manner of tight spots, Oregano said, “If I don’t find Linus, maybe I’ll at least come across the Thin Mints.” I am happy to report that Linus was found and the Thin Mints were not!

About Paprika Furstenburg

I was born with an overly developed sense of humor and poor coordination. The combination of these two character traits has taught me humility and given me the perspective to find the funny in everyday experiences.

14 responses »

  1. You manage to brighten my otherwise incredibly boring day. I haven’t worn makeup either, but my roots are out of control. If I can’t see my hairdresser pretty soon, I may have to resort to a home job.

    • I’m glad I could bring some laughter to your day! I’ve been playing with all sorts of products to cover my grays including purple, blue and red colored hair wax. Trying to make things as fun as I can. Miss seeing you.

  2. I somehow feel gypped now. I braved going to get an oil change last week because I must have been six weeks overdue in getting one. The repair place offered no incentives; I would have loved a roll of toilet paper. Sigh. – Marty

  3. I am so pleased you finally managed to trim Keebler’s claws – great thinking to imprison him in the carrier! Although, as Diana pointed out, he may resist all future attempts to get him into the carrier. Our cat also dreaded that thing, no matter how cosy and inviting we tried to make it; when we hauled it out, my job was to hide the carrier until the last minute, while hubby lured her close enough to pick up – and then we had mere seconds to put her inside and get the lid closed without trapping her paws or head, as she would scramble for freedom immediately. So I have huge respect for you and Oregano for trimming his claws!

    Good for you on exploring craft projects! We still can’t buy anything deemed ‘non-essential’, and unfortunately arts and craft supplies fall into that category. Let us know what you decide to make, I’m curious! 🙂

    • We are relieved that we were able to cut his claws. He has always been afraid of the carrier so I think it would be nearly impossible for it to be any more difficult than it already is to get him in there. It already entails a very involved process: all the bedroom and bathroom doors must be closed, then I retrieve the carrier from the garage at which point Keebler is now wise to the situation and has decided to hide. I have to keep eyes on him as he runs from room to room and up and down the stairs until he wears himself out or corners himself. At that point, I walk over with the carrier and place it in front of him. He jumps in and cowers while I rush to zip it up before he tries to escape. Thankfully, he didn’t seem too worse for the experience and was actually looking for our attention and affection after a lengthy nap. I’m just happy I was able to get his nails clipped without hurting him. Whether or not he gets into the carrier again is next month’s problem to solve.

      Sorry to hear that you can’t buy any arts and craft supplies. All of our craft stores are closed, but they are still doing business online. After hours of searching, I settled on stenciling. We have a few blank slates I can use to create something for the garden. I also found a very fun gardener’s advice stencil. We’ll see how the projects turn out once all of the pieces arrive and I can start working on them.

      • Ahh, it seems your kitty has forgiven you for the indignity of being imprisoned and de-clawed. He probably feels considerable relief! Our cat didn’t like it when her cats grew too long; when she was younger and more agile – and still had all her teeth, she used to ‘prune’ her own nails – which always gave us the heebies… When she got older and stiffer, we regularly took her to the vet for a mani/pedi.

        Good luck with your stencil project!

      • Keebler and Linus both scare easily, but they have a short memory for it.

  4. Really fun stories!! Great that you managed to cut the claws! Now you can use the money saved to get the pinata!

  5. Sandra Caroline Importico

    Still laughing so hard my eyes hurt. Thank you for your wonderful stories.

  6. Thank you for those laughs! I appreciate not receiving a photo or link to the penis pinata, but would have loved some video evidence of the toe-nail clipping. What a great idea — use the carrier! This may make basic transport a bit harder to arrange in future, but perhaps the joy of release made up for the terror prior.
    My guess about the make-up is that people are eagerly prepping for the “after covid” days.
    I have been buying the odd thing I don’t need right now, just to support local businesses, but I wear no make up — ever (I’ve tried and am absolutely clueless and talentless in that department). I wish the local businesses were doing as well as the mega corporations.
    And I need my snow tires removed from my car, as well as a bit more TP — so although I don’t actually have to pay for the snow tires removal (and would feel a bit odd accepting a roll of toilet paper) I can appreciate the offer. I will laugh again if my guys are offering something similar. I will be happy if they are even still open for business.

    • I’m hoping the nail clipping wasn’t so traumatic that Keebler will be even more afraid of his carrier. My biggest concern during this whole process was that I didn’t want to be the one to traumatize Keebler. It took 4 years of patience and persistence to gain Keebler’s trust enough for him to jump in my lap. I didn’t want to wipe that out in 1 afternoon. Thankfully, last night he slept on me, so I think he has forgiven me. As for a video…this was an all hands on deck situation so there was no one left to record our endeavors.

      You might be in luck with your snow tires! The mechanic giving away the toilet paper is actually a tire shop. Maybe your tire shop will come up with a similar, but more generous TP giveaway.



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