The question that was the inspiration for the title of this week’s post was an internet search that led some inquisitive soul to Good Humored instead of a website that might actually be helpful. I feel a sense of obligation to people who mistakenly wind up on this blog when searching for legitimate answers to their burning questions. I’ve tried my hand at an advice column in a previous post, so I combed through the search terms for my blog and have selected a few questions that I will attempt to answer in the event that those individuals are still seeking information.
“hearing snap/pop sounds means?????”
The inclusion of 5 question marks in your search leads me to believe that there is a sense of urgency to your question. Without having specific information about the origin of those snapping and popping sounds, I am forced to guess at potential situations in which those sounds might be heard:
If you hear those sounds coming from your joints when you wake up in the morning, you are getting older.
If you hear those sounds while exercising, stop exercising.
If you hear those sounds coming from your bowl of cereal, relax and eat up before the cereal gets soggy.
If you hear those sounds while outside, run.
“did you flush the toilet”
This is an interesting search question. Wouldn’t it just be easier to ask the previous occupant of the bathroom if he or she flushed? Perhaps you could step away from the computer and mosey into the bathroom to see for yourself. I’m not exactly sure how you expect to find the answer to this on the internet. Although, with the new satellite and drone technology they have recently been talking about, I suppose we aren’t far away from having the internet tell us if our toilets have been flushed.
“where do babies come from mcdonalds”
I’m perplexed by this question. Not because I don’t know where babies come from, but because the lack of punctuation makes it difficult to understand exactly what information the inquirer is seeking. I’ve tried different punctuation scenarios in an effort to try to provide you with the most thorough response possible:
Where do babies come from? McDonalds? – No, babies do not come from McDonalds. There are not delivered through the drive through window and don’t come included in a happy meal. You’ve been seriously misinformed.
Where do babies come from, McDonalds? – With this punctuation option, you should have just gone directly to the McDonalds’ website. Perhaps this question is listed under their FAQ page. Or, you could use the contact us option to e-mail your specific question. While I’m sure most McDonalds’ employees could answer that question, I’m not sure they are the best source of accurate information on the subject. Instead, ask a friend, family member or medical professional.
“can paprika make you itch?”
For the record, Paprika, the blogger, has not been known to cause anyone to itch. I was accused of having cooties back in second grade but I’ve since had my cooty shot and am no longer contagious.
Since allergic reactions can be a serious medical issue, I actually did some research to answer this question unlike the other bullshit answers I made up off the top of my head. As it turns out, there is such a thing as a paprika allergy. So, yes, paprika, the spice, can make you itch. For some people, a paprika allergy can be life-threatening. There are specifically trained service dogs to help those people detect the presence of paprika.
During my exhaustive research on this topic, I came across an article about a woman in Indianapolis who has a severe paprika allergy. Even inhaling paprika can cause an allergic reaction. In order to accommodate this allergy, her employer removed all food with paprika from vending machines in the building. They also provided her with information about obtaining a service dog, approved her request for the dog and granted her time off to get the dog from Texas. However, the dog’s first day on the job was its last. The woman with the paprika allergy is not permitted to bring the dog to work because one of her co-workers is allergic to dogs. She is now suing her employer. Thank goodness no one in that office is allergic to irony.
Life is filled with questions and people yearning for answers. Sometimes we can find those answers on the internet and sometimes we can’t.
Can you answer this question? What is the meaning to life? How is that for stumping you? Lol
I’m sorry. We here at Good Humored only answer existential questions that wind up at the blog by a misdirected internet search. We don’t answer those types of questions directly 🙂
I am very concerned about this irony allergy. Can you tell me about the symptoms? Are there guide dogs/cats for this sort of thing? I probably shouldn’t leave the house until I know more. Is it still safe to listen to Alanis Morissette?
One of the major symptoms of an irony allergy is the overwhelming urge to scratch your head and say, “Are you kidding me?” or some other phrase along those lines. There is no known medical treatment for an irony allergy, not even Alanis Morissette. Awareness and avoidance are your only defenses. Having a guide cat is not recommended since that would be an oxymoron and might make your irony allergy worse.
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I swore (oh yes I did) that I would NOT follow any more blogs! Sadly, Rumpy featured you today and now I have been Paprika-ed!! Aaaargh!
I was intrigued about search criteria and went to look at my stats page (ok, I’m a statsaholic) and found this, “what are the catachresis in the artical the long good bye?” (sic). I will have to research further.
PS Everyone knows that babies come from McDonalds!!!
I’ve never been turned into a verb before so I’m thrilled that you’ve been Paprika-ed and honored that you chose to break your oath by subscribing to Good Humored.
I’m a stats junkie, too. Those search terms are just so intriguing that it’s hard not to wonder about them. Have fun researching yours.
P.S. Please let me know the address of your McDonalds. I’ll be happy to share it with the next person who thinks babies come from there.
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Lol, I hope these people don’t find me. If they do I am sending them your way. (Sorry) not really
I’m sure these people won’t find you. Clearly, they couldn’t even find what they set out looking for so you should be safe 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Really? Allergic to paprika? Where do you find this stuff? ROFL!
All I did was search on allergies to paprika and that article was one of the first to pop up.I had no idea there were service dogs that could detect paprika which proves that I am not clever enough to make up that kind of irony.
But you ARE clever enough to consider the possibility and Google it!
Google did all the work. I just had the good sense to realize how funny it was and then share it.
Hahaha… I love blog posts about search terms! By some strange coincidence, three blogs I love have now all tackled this important topic in the last few weeks:
– Listful Thinking (http://listfulthinking.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/bono-is-the-worst/)
– The Candace (http://thecandace.com/2012/07/02/blogiversary/).
Glad you enjoyed the post, Gabriel! Thanks for sharing those links. I’d love to see what other wacky search terms those bloggers are getting.
The McDonalds one made me laugh out loud!
I can’t tell you how much I wish those search terms came with statistics about the person looking for information. I would love to know who thinks babies come from McDonalds.
Happy to see you back 🙂
LOL You nut 🙂
Your comment made me LOL, Roly. And, most people with agree with your assessment of me as a nut.
Very funny. I love reading the referring keywords in my stats as well. I’m actually an advocate for putting condoms in Happy Meals – this after I stood in line for 2 hours with the masses to get Ronald McDonald’s autograph.
Stood in line for 2 hours to get Ronald McDonald’s autograph? I’m assuming your children were with you, right? Was it some sort of parenting endurance contest?
You’re idea to put condoms in Happy Meals is an interesting ideas, but if you are already ordering a Happy Meal, it’s too late for the condom. And, how many men do you think would drive up to the window and ask them to “supersize” the condom?
For those who believe babies come from McDonald’s, then by simple deduction, if they asked to be “SUPERSIZED,” would they expect to be presented with a full-grown teenager? Now that would really be fast-food.
If we’re going to SUPERSIZE the babies, why stop at full grown teenager? Why not go for a full grown, already finished with college, married and out of the house aged kid?
But what is the service dog trained to do if it senses paprika? Bark wildly?…Tackle the woman and drag her away while dialing 911? Attack the paprika source and consume the offending spice thus sacrificing itself to save the woman?
To much to think about!
You make an excellent point! I wonder exactly what it is the dog does to assist the person with the paprika allergy. I never even thought about that angle. Now I’m curious and will have to do some research. So glad you enjoyed the post.
Those are some great questions – you have really burst my bubble though – I was thinking of getting a baby from McDonald’s drive-thru…I guess I’ll have to research other options…
I have gone back and googled some of the weird search topics that have somehow led people to click on my site – but I often can’t find my blog listed in the results! Quite a mystery.
You are quite skilled at home improvement projects. I’m sure you could pick up the parts for a baby at Home Depot or Lowe’s and whip one up in no time.
Like you, I’ve googled some of the searches and don’t find my way back to Good Humored. I don’t know how those searchers get to me, but I’m sure glad they do because they provide laughter everyday.
Something Snapping… If walking? A twig: you’re either not watching where you’re going, or you’re not alone. While falling? Call 911, you’ve broken something.
A popping sound… While plugging in the kettle? Pick yourself up off of the floor and call the electrician. You’ve shorted out a circuit and probably ruined the outlet. (Go ahead, ask me how I know%| )
Funny though, I can actually follow the logic from “flushing toilets” (now that I know you’re writing mostly BS; )
But seriously? No shitting here – if you have severe allergies or other life-threatening condition… Please, GET A MEDIC ALERT bracelet/tag/ID. Emergency Medical Personel/First Responders can’t ask an unconscious person “Why??”
Wow! I should have checked with you before I wrote the post. You had even more ideas about snapping than I did. Sounds like one of them was an actual life experience. Yikes!
The medic alert bracelet is a great idea. If the allergy is as severe as was described in the article, she probably wears one. Maybe the dog should wear a bracelet saying that he can cause allergies.
Yah, right up there with the “caution/hot!” warnIng on a coffee cup eh…
Very very funny!! Love your sense of humor in dealing with these wayward searchers!!
You may have a new subscriber soon from the beauty salon….a woman wanting to know why I was laughing at my smart phone!! xoxox
Thanks for luring in another unsuspecting reader. We’ll add that to the commission I already owe you.
Hilarious! I think the babies/Mcdonalds one is my favorite. I’d really love for the perpetrator to stop by and exlain themselves on that one, though something tells me it may not be as entertaining as your explanations!
I totally agree with you. I would love to know why these people were searching on these terms. I have no idea what that person was trying to find out, but it was fun trying to guess.
Thanks for reading and comment. So glad you enjoyed the post 🙂
Loved the punctuation query. Actually, I do believe babies come from McDonald’s. Doesn’t everything?
One of my favorite punctuation mix-ups is: “Let’s eat, Grandma.” vs. “Let’s eat Grandma.” Whole different concept there.
Thanks for the chuckles. Your search terms are a riot. I’m still trying to find enough in mine to make a blog about it. 🙂
Babies don’t come from McDonalds, they come from Wal-Mart. That is a store that has everything!
For those of us who understand the purpose of punctuation, the mistakes are very amusing.
So glad you enjoyed the post.
Hmph! Giving out advice is something only a professional should do.
Who do you think you are? Anyhow?
Or, who do you think you are, anyhow?
Or. Anyhow. Who do you think you are?
I admitted that I was bullshitting my answers so that should cover my liability for advice and punctuation errors.
You do not cause me to itch, only to laugh! Great post!
Thanks, Lisa. Laughing is much better than scratching 🙂
LOL! Love this post. The woman with the paprika allergy is one spoiled employee…..Also, it’s funny how the lack of punctuations can lead to very different things.
So glad you enjoyed the post 🙂 I think it’s a shame that the woman with the paprika allergy and her employer haven’t come to some sort of compromise that will keep everyone safe and working. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Great post. I’d just written a post myself about my search terms, but I neglected the questions some people ask in their search. I recently got one: “What does my baby look like at 25 weeks?”. That must have been connected to my blog because I am the master of the obvious. “Just go look at him!”
The search terms and questions are a daily source of amusement for me, so it’s nice to know that my readers are enjoying them, too. As you pointed out, it’s also a lot of fun to try to figure out which term led to which post and why.
Paprika, you hit this one right! As a blogger I am always amazed at the search terms used to find my blog. I am not complaining but I am sure I have had more than one unhappy customer. I don’t think anyone ever got me through a “toilet flushing” query though. Somethings you wonder about people….
I’m certain I sealed my fate with the toilet flushing search crowd with the posts I wrote about toilet paper direction and the steaming toilets at work. I always wonder what those people are thinking when they get to my blog. Are they disappointed or do they stay and read the post? I’ll never know…
Oh, my goodness. I so want you to run for president, but I know you are way too intelligent to ruin your life that way. Thank you for giving me something to chuckle about this morning!
Thanks for letting me know I made you chuckle this morning. That always brings a smile to my face 🙂 I appreciate your comment about running for president, but I’m too much of a smart ass to ever be able to hold a public office.
I’m having trouble understanding why the woman sued her employer. Seems like they were very generous in their efforts to help. Maybe she should have sued the person with the dog allergy if she wanted to sue someone.
Loved the search terms. They never disappoint.
These search terms weren’t as funny as your “lasagna humor” search term, but that paprika allergy story was an unexpected surprise when I was writing the post.
I’m sensing there is more to the story with the woman suing her employer and the co-worker with the dog allergy. The employer didn’t have any comments in the article, so it’s hard to know what their side of the story is.
LOL! Well, maybe that woman in Indianapolis needs to read your blog – unless, of course, she’s allergic to humor.
An allergy to humor would definitely make life difficult.
Perhaps I am reading a bit quickly, but your last post I got “eat ice cream” and from this one I pulled “stop exercising”. Not that I’m complaining !
Each reader walks away with their own message. If that’s what you got from these last two posts, good for you. Just don’t tell your doctor I was the one to tell you.
Once again, your search contenders leave me laughing…and speechless. Toilet flushing? Gah. Yes, quite ironic that story about the paprika allergy. We are a nation of quick-to-sue. Sounds to me like she might be better off telecommuting so she can better “manage” her work environment.
I couldn’t understand why someone would have used the internet to search about flushing a toilet. Maybe they were looking for a sign that reminded people to flush, but the search term was too generic. I wonder if people would use different search terms if they knew someone was watching.
The paprika allergy story amazed me. I think the woman did offer to work from home, but there was some type of problem with that.
That was hysterical… I am astounded at the search terms that lead people to your blog…
I truly appreciate the people who wander over to my blog after being misdirected there by search terms. It provides me with an almost endless supply of topics to write about. Glad you enjoyed the post.
Then it’s a good thing more people don’t use quotations and backslash to narrow their search “for this/with that”… And whatever would you do if there were no bad grammar or sloppy punctuation? Cheers:D
I’m not complaining about the people with poor punctuation and search skills, without them I wouldn’t have such wonderful material to work with.
Thanks for coming back to read again. I hope you were able to laugh out loud this time without causing a stomach ache for yourself. 🙂
Yes thanks! (Still a bit damp at the corners of the eyes: ) Oh, and my “personal experience” was being thrown across the room by a faulty plug… Yowza! Getting a little static zap kinda ticks me off; but this made me REALLY angry!! (some sort of adrenalin reaction perhaps? ; )
But that snapping branch kinda gotcha goin though? Excellent!!
Glad you survived your encounter with the faulty plug. Ouch!