Spring break is here. People are emerging from their cocoons of winter clothing. Once they see themselves in the flimsy fabrics of the warmer seasons, they may be worried about the weight they gained during the comfort food months. Some of those people are questioning their attractiveness and are looking to their good friend, Google, for some answers. I can only imagine their disappointment when the search terms they used lead them to my post, “It’s a Shame I’m So Attractive,” about how irresistible the insect world finds me. Since these individuals were on a quest for guidance and information, but were directed to my blog, I feel a sense of obligation to respond to their inquiries. Listed below are actual search terms that lead people to Good Humored and my helpful advice for these seekers of knowledge.
“i am so happy im attractive”
Congratulations! There are so many people with low self-esteem that it is refreshing to meet someone who is content with his or her appearance. Your search seems more like a statement and less like a question. What exactly are you looking for on Google?
“im so number one that it is a shame”
Before I had a chance to respond to this search it was subsequently followed by the terms, “humility, what’s that?”
“i think everyone is jealous because I wear glasses”
Where were these so-called jealous people when I began wearing my little pink glasses and a patch over my eye in Kindergarten? I can assure you that not one of my classmates was jealous of the fact that I had to wear glasses, unless you count pirate jokes and the endearing term “four eyes” as a cover for their jealousy.
“m i attractive”
Google is a computer search engine, not a mirror. I’m sorry, but it can’t answer this question for you.
“why is my husband turned on by my freckles”
Does it really matter? Who knows what goes on in a man’s mind? Embrace his freckle fixation. Be glad that he is content getting his fill of freckles at home and is not going out into the world in pursuit of other freckled women. If you’re still curious and really want to know the answer to that question, I suggest you ask him instead of Google.
“i am more attractive than my husband”
Didn’t you realize this before you married him?
“is my spouse more attractive than I am”
This is a subjective question and I don’t think there is any good that can come from the answer. If you insist that you want the answer, Google won’t be of much assistance. Write a blog post, upload pictures of you and your spouse then poll readers to find out.
“when one partner is more attractive than the other jealousy”
I’m not sure if you are the same person who asked, “is my spouse more attractive than me?” If you are that person, I warned you that no good would come from that answer. Now Google can help you find the names and addresses for marriage counselors in your area.
I think I’m getting the hang of writing an advice column; it might be time to switch from writing a humor blog.