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Birdhouse Hunters

I have a problem. I’ve known about it for quite some time now, but I thought no one else had noticed it. Experts say that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one, so I will just come out and say it; I’m addicted to HGTV’s House Hunters and House Hunters International. When I hear the telltale theme music and Suzanne Whang’s voice, I’m lured to the television and entranced for the next 30 minutes. If there is a House Hunters marathon, I could be there for hours. People ask me why I find the show so captivating. Is it the house hunters’ stories about why they are moving to these new locales? Yes! Is it seeing what kind of house $200,000 could buy in Bangkok or San Antonio? Yes! Is it the quirkiness of the homes that don’t come with a kitchen or indoor plumbing? Yes, again! I watch House Hunters because I get to go to open houses all over the world without leaving the comfort of my couch.

I didn’t realize how serious my problem had become until this past weekend when Oregano walked into the family room and with great concern in his voice said, “House Hunters is on. Why are you facing away from the television and staring out the window? Are you OK?  Have you seen this episode before?”

Without turning my head to glance in his direction, I pointed out the window and replied, “There’s a bird that keeps flying from the branch of the maple tree to the birdhouse. He hasn’t gone into the birdhouse yet, but he seems to be considering moving into the neighborhood.”

Birdhouse 1: Starter Home

Oregano looked out the window at the bird as I continued, “Birdhouse 1 is a brightly colored, traditional, A-frame in a quiet, tree-lined neighborhood. There is a small-scale entry, perfect for the security petite birds often need when being harassed by their larger, bird neighbors. It is an ideal starter home for a young couple about to begin a family. The home was renovated last summer and it is in move-in ready condition.”

As soon as I finished speaking, Oregano and I burst out laughing at how ridiculous I sounded. We sat mesmerized by the bird’s actions until it flew away without committing to a property. Did this bird fly off to tour the other bird real estate available in our garden?  If so, would he visit 3 of our 5 currently unoccupied homes before making a decision?

In my best Suzanne Whang imitation, I began describing Birdhouse 2. “This well maintained, older home has a lovely garden view. While the interior of the home may seem cramped, there are many branches in nearby trees that can be used as outdoor living space. Since this home was previously occupied by empty-nesters who are now downsizing and moving south, all of the furnishings are included in the list price. Although a bit farther away from amenities and the popular, local restaurant, The Bird Feeder, this home is still within easy flying distance for a short commute.”

Birdhouse 2: Fully Furnished

Oregano followed me to the living room windows and I continued my sales pitch, “Birdhouse 3 is an intriguing option in a completely different neighborhood than the other two homes. It’s located in a new development with plenty of nearby trees and restaurants of its own. This non-traditional, modern home boasts high ceilings and a spacious interior with an open floor plan. Being made from a hollowed out gourd makes this home ideal for the eco-conscious bird family that wants to lessen its impact on the environment.”

Birdhouse 3: High Ceiling

“It’s a buyer’s market for the many birds that are returning to our garden from their winter abroad. Which houses will they choose?” I said concluding my birdhouse real estate presentation. Oregano shook his head with laughter and disbelief, “It might be time for me to remove HGTV from our channel line-up and stage an intervention for you.”

He might be right this time.

**And now a word from our sponsor**

Thanks to Clip Snark, Laughing at Everyday Life, Elyse at FiftyFourandAHalf and Curly Carly at That’s Just Ridiculous for inviting me to play blog tag with them and for sending some of their readers my way. I look forward to reading each of their blogs, so pop on over and tell ’em Paprika sent you.

Many thanks to Tracey from Cupcakingly Delicious Cake Diaries for honoring me with a Versatile Blogger Award. If you’d like a calorie free way to enjoy some dessert, head on over to her blog.

About Paprika Furstenburg

I was born with an overly developed sense of humor and poor coordination. The combination of these two character traits has taught me humility and given me the perspective to find the funny in everyday experiences.

56 responses »

  1. Thanks for the mention my dear =) As you can tell I’m finally catching up on my blog reading, and I am loving it! I think we can all relate to being addicted to a show and speaking in the voice of its presenter or main characters. It’s pretty standard behaviour for an addict!

  2. Nicole Daniel

    Add to your addiction by becoming like the property brothers and showing them how much more they could get of the three choices if they are willing to do some of the work themselves

  3. Hilarious!! I’m so addicted to house hunters and HH international. Only problem is…
    I’m way to impatient to listen to the couples deliberate on which house they want and why. I typically fast forward through the nonsense to see which they chose and how they fixed it up. I like your episode but am unhappy about the ending! Which did the bird pick? And how much did he get it for! C’mon sista sledge!!!
    Don’t leave me hanging.

    • I’ve never thought to DVR HH or HH International and then fast forward to the end. I think if I start recording it, I will be taking my problem to a new level. I choose to be serendipitous about my viewing. If it just happens to come on when I am watching TV then I don’t have a problem, right?

      Sorry to leave you hanging about the birds, but I don’t have an answer yet. We only had a few viewings that week and none of the birds put in offers on any of the birdhouses. Traffic has increased significantly in the past week so we are expecting offers on all three properties quite soon.

      • Ok. I’ll stay tuned. And yes you absolutely have a problem. But so do I especially since at any given te my DVR has a minimum of 5 episodes each. And I hate deleting them. Just in case. One was in italy near my town. They bought by the lake where I go jogging. That was awesome.

      • I freely admit that I have a problem. It’s nice to know that you admit that you have one too. Maybe we can sit next to each other at a support group meeting sometime 🙂

  4. My mother and partner both love the House Hunters shows. Family gatherings invariably devolve into hours-long viewing parties around the TV. God forbid I should suggest another show, or… a walk!?! Let me just say to ‘Hunters addicts out there: you ARE hurting the ones you love. Seek help.

    • You suggest going for a walk or changing the channel during an episode of House Hunters, before the home is chosen? What kind of loving son and partner are you? 🙂

      I completely understand how one episode of House Hunters can quickly turn into an afternoon parked in front of the television. That show is like potato chips, you can’t have just one. Perhaps you, Oregano and a few of the other readers who’ve left comments about how difficult it is to live with House Hunters addicts can start some sort of support group for each other then you’d have someone to go on walks with while your mom and partner are watching the show.

  5. Don’t laugh, but I am watching house hunters as I read this. Started busting up laughing!

  6. I want to live in a gourd. I’ve always wanted an eco-friendly home too. I think the choice is obvious.

    I haven’t seen that show since we got rid of our cable years ago. Good thing or I’d never leave the house.

    • As of this afternoon the gourd is still available. You are welcome to move in to it if you can squeeze yourself through that tiny hole.

      Save yourself… don’t start watching the show. It’s too late for me, but there’s still hope that you won’t become addicted.

  7. Here’s some sunshine for your amazing blog! I have nominated you for the Sunshine Award. You can check it out here:

  8. Here’s one I found on a walk through town one day to add to your collection (below the dahlia)
    I’m sure you could come up with a delightful real estate ad?

    • Just popped over to your blog to see the birdhouse. Thanks for attaching the link back. I’ll have to work on my ad so that it can go in the bird real estate section of the Sunday paper.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. Hope you’ll visit again soon.

  9. Ha ha, I needed a laugh this Friday afternoon. I understand your addiction to House Hunters. Mine is Come Dine With Me.

  10. House Hunters… Hoarders… Say Yes to the Dress…etc.etc.etc. Are you seeing a pattern here? I have almost abandoned “regular” TV for these always different, always fun shows. Just like House Hunters, one never knows if there will be a happy or sad ending… although HH rarely has shows that end in a decision to wait for a better house or price ( Hoarders make progress with follow-up or no follow-up and Say Yes either finds that special dress… or not).
    I too am amazed at what one gets for the money. In real estate, they always say “Location, location, location!” I guess it is really true!

  11. “Birdhouse Hunters” would make a great tweet!

  12. Fantastic post! I, too, live with a House Hunters addict so I feel Oregano’s pain. I’ve learned that the channel must be changed at the precise moment after a home is selected or Suzanne will take me immediately into another 30-minute commitment!

    • Maybe you and Oregano can start some sort of spouse support group.

      You are absolutely right about turning the TV off immediately after the people select the home. One minute longer and you’re hooked again.

  13. My house has rabbit ears, no cable or satellite TV, so I have no clue about House Hunters. My vote’s in for the bright red gourd!

    House wrens annually make their home in our garage (they can get in with the door closed), in a hanging bag, work boot, tool-organizer — the strangest places. Here they are next to our backdoor last year: I should put out a few houses around the yard; I wonder what we’d get in them.

    Already herons and hawks are feathering their nests by the creek. We had a couple of weeks where we did nothing but watch the hawks mate several times a day, way up at the top of our canopy oak out back. We’re such voyeurs.

    • You are probably better off not knowing what House Hunters is, but if you are curious you can follow the link to see an episode.

      Your wren video was great! It’s amazing where they built that nest. I’m terrible at recognizing the birds in our garden other than the obvious ones: doves, woodpeckers, cardinals, goldfinches and blue jays. Every once in a while we get a little bluebird. It’s always fun to watch them flitting around the garden, but my birds have kept things PG, unlike your hawks.

      • Glad you enjoyed — I do try to refrain from touting my blog from comments, but sometimes, it just “goes.” Watching that video again prompted me to use them as subjects of this morning’s post. I love their cute, fuzzy little heads.

        Nothing “PG” about the animals at my house. My kids have been entirely sex-educated by nature and animals. When my 10-yr-old was old enough, he knew enough to make the connection to humans (eewww, mom!) all on his own.

        Currently, our neighbors chihuahuas have been busy propagating in the great wide open, several times a day, for several days now, for all the kids to enjoy. Geez. LOL

  14. I was obsessed with House Hunters, used to gasp at how much some HOAs charged on top of the mortgage, and swooned over many homes I’d have to chance – or finances – to buy. I can tell the birds are discerning shoppers. They’re probably looking at the “comparables” (what similar bird houses sold for), checking out the curb appeal and will return when the feeder is full. Great post.

    • Thanks, Judy. There seem to be a few of us who are obsessed with House Hunters. Clearly, we have excellent taste in TV shows, but poor self control.

      The bird feeders are full and we’re hoping that will entice the birds to come for the meal and stay for the summer.

  15. this was hilarious … too funny … Suzanne Wang better watch her back!

  16. Yes!! A fellow House Hunters addict! I’ve actually been on hiatus from HH lately because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all of them and got sick of the re-runs.

    This post was so great. I bet your Suzanne impression is good after having seen so many episodes. While reading, I could imagine her narrating with the music in the background.

    • I’m glad there are a few of us who share this addiction. Honestly, I can’t understand why someone isn’t addicted to that show. It sucks me in from the moment it starts and I have to see how it ends.

      I’m sure imagining Suzanne Whang’s narration in your head as you read the post was infinitely better than my actual imitation was.

  17. LOVE THE GOURD! mine is yet to be chosen for habitation! Addiction to house hunters is harmless, so enjoy! We are addicted also!

  18. OH DEAR LORD! That’s hysterical!!

  19. I spent a huge amount of time last year and the year before in the Coventry, loved watching House Hunters whenever I could. That was one of the best shows.

  20. Sounds like something I would pull and my husband would say, “We’re so lame.” So I’m dying to know. Which house did they pick? That’s the best part you know. I think it was number 2, but I’m so often wrong.

    • Oregano talks a good game, but he has grown to enjoy House Hunters. Well, maybe that’s just because I’ve worn him down. He played right along with my descriptions of the birdhouses.

      To answer your question, the birds have yet to make their final housing selections, but house 2 is a good guess. That birdhouse is the one that has been occupied most often.

  21. Wow, the first to reply…..Well, some problems come to mind that your potential neighbors face….first, mortgage money is a little tight this year so they better have plenty of “seed” money to get the process started. Once that problem is resolved, they had better check out the moving companies as there are a lot of “fly by night” outfits that they should avoid. They should also check out the neighbors who might not give a “hoot” about their move and leave them “up in the air” when called upon for assistance. Lastly, Paprika, you have too much time on your hands. With nosey neighbors like yourself, they would need a “wing and a prayer” to have any privacy were they to move in.

    • I didn’t mean to be a nosey neighbor. I’ll be sure to “perch” myself a safe distance away because I certainly wouldn’t want to “ruffle any feathers” and upset my new neighbors.

      Bob, if making puns was an Olympic event you’d be a gold medalist 🙂

  22. Love it. Love it! It’s obvious you have a new career posiibility there?

  23. The ad for our house said, “The comfort and simplicity of a condo with the privacy of a home.”

    The birds might like that idea, although they might understand what a condo was unless they’re purple Martins.


    • I’ll be sure to mention the benefits of birdcondos versus birdhouses. Thanks for giving the birds that option. Most of our former bird tenants just abandon the property once they’ve raised their families. They don’t even take their home furnishings with them.

      I’ve never seen a purple Martin before. I just looked them up on Google. They are beautiful!

  24. Oh Dog! You got it bad! But are you ready to admit you’re powerless over House Hunters?

    • I wouldn’t say that I’m completely powerless over House Hunters. There have been a few nights when I was tired and willingly turned off the show before I saw which home they chose. That counts. Right?

  25. LOL! You are sooooo multi-talented! See you could always go into the real estate market…..for people that is……….I don’t think you could make $ from birds!

  26. OMG….I know I enjoy HouseHunters also….and wonder why I can’t have a million to plunk down on a vacation home in some tropical isle….but don;t think I will get to your level LOL


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