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What Happens in Vegas?

With the nickname Sin City, it’s no surprise that Las Vegas is a city of excess. Of course there are the usual excesses that immediately come to mind when one thinks of Vegas. Many people drink to excess in Las Vegas. The lavish buffets and upscale dining options allow people to eat in excess while visiting the city. There is no shortage of ways to dispose of your excess cash in the casinos or shopping in the ridiculously expensive stores in the resorts. Even entertainment options are excessive. You can be amazed by the acrobatic feats of the Cirque Du Soleil artists, marvel at magicians or enjoy kitschy lounge acts belting out tunes from behind a piano in a hotel lobby bar. If you prefer entertainment of a more personal nature, all you have to do is call the numbers listed on the backs of the baseball-like cards men hand out to passersby on the Strip. You can select your very own personal entertainer from an array of ladies with this specialized skill set. Like a Domino’s Pizza, they will arrive at your door in less than 30 minutes; how long they stay is entirely up to the individual’s credit limit. These excesses should not surprise anyone who has ever been to Vegas, read anything about Vegas or watched an episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigations, but on our recent trip there, I noticed a few excesses you may not be familiar with.

In our minds, the 6 mile round trip walk to Max Brenner Chocolate Restaurant in Caesars Palace justified our indulgence in this chocolate and caramel fondue.

Excessive Walking –The resorts and casinos are immense, sprawling structures that require hoofing it lengthy distances to get from point A to point B, so I wore a pedometer to keep track of how much we walked. We were fascinated by the distances we had to travel. Going to the valet stand to pick up our rental car was a half mile journey. Oregano pointed out that when he walks a half mile, he isn’t usually still in the same building. A round trip trek to the gelato stand in the hotel was also a half mile which justified the nearly daily trip we made there. A chocolate fondue was our reward for the 6 mile round trip from our hotel to Caesars Palace. According to our calculations, all of that walking offset our decadence; everything in moderation, even gluttony.

Excessive Bathrooms – All of the walking combined with the desert dryness means people need to drink in excess. The excessive drinking leads to excessive – well, you know what that leads to and so do the resorts and casinos because there are almost as many bathrooms and stalls as there are slot machines. As someone with a bladder the size of a walnut,  I appreciate these ever-present bathrooms. While my tiny bladder is often inconvenient, it has given me the opportunity to become quite the public bathroom connoisseur.  I can tell you that the bathrooms in these resorts and casinos are among the cleanest and most lavishly appointed that I have seen anywhere.

Excessive Glitz- I am not referring to the blinking, twinkling lights on the Strip or the over-the-top costumes on the showgirls. The glitz to which I am referring was on the tourists. Never in my life have I witnessed such a vast collection of clothing and accessories festooned with sequins and sparkles. Even more amazing was the range of sizes these snazzy clothes came in. Can someone please explain the trend of wearing pants with glittery words emblazoned on the derrière? When the numerous lights in the lobby and casino hit that word it lures your eye to the source and then that image is indelibly burned in your brain. Maybe I am not trendy, but I prefer to let my personality sparkle, not my clothing.

Excessive Heels – Given the amount of walking required to get anywhere in Vegas, wearing high heels may be fashionable, but it is foolish. The number of women precariously balancing themselves on high heels and huge wedges was staggering. These women were wearing shoes my mom would refer to as “sittin’ shoes;” shoes better suited for sitting still and looking pretty than for actually walking somewhere. These teetering women were usually texting as they walked posing a hazard to those of us in more sensible footwear. If they were texting, teetering and drinking they gave new meaning to the word tipsy.

Joshua trees in Mojave National Preserve, California.

Excessive Natural Beauty– When we got weary of the manmade excesses in Las Vegas we headed into the desert to see some of Mother Nature’s finest excesses. Joshua trees in the Mojave National Preserve are surreal.  They look like Dr. Seuss and Salvador Dali joined forces to create a tree. Oregano learned not to touch these trees the hard way because the pointy pom-pom clusters weren’t a big enough warning. In Valley of Fire State Park we played on rock formations that seemed better suited for Mars than Nevada. The splendors of Mother Nature’s excesses were a nice balance to the overindulgence of Vegas.

In Valley of Fire State Park Oregano does a near perfect impression of Winnie the Pooh.

What happens in Vegas is not exactly human nature demonstrating its finest behavior. No matter what your definition of fun is, that is one commodity Las Vegas has in spades.

 

 

** And now a word from our sponsor.**

I’d like to thank Custom Trip Planning for “touching” me. This is a kinder, gentler version of the earlier game of blog tag that was circulating around. I’m touched that she recommended Good Humored to her readers.

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About Paprika Furstenburg

I was born with an overly developed sense of humor and poor coordination. The combination of these two character traits has taught me humility and given me the perspective to find the funny in everyday experiences. Good Humored is my first blog.

49 responses »

  1. crimsondaisy

    Been to Vegas and reading your post was a trip down memory lane. It does live up to it’s hype!

    Reply
  2. LOL! I love it! And I am guilty of loving everything Vegas! It’s the funnest place to people watch :) I am also one of those people that prepare for the walk with one of those very large slushy drinks, ends up wandering into a resort store, buying something glitzy and over the top. I wear it once in Vegas after another very tall drink…And then I return home it sits in my closet until I go to Vegas again.

    Reply
  3. Great post! Everything I wanted to know but didn’t know enough about to ask! I found you through Cathe’s Endless Chatter.

    Reply
    • Thanks, Linda! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Most of the info contained in my post is not likely to be included in a travel guide :) So glad you found me through Chatty Cathie. Hope you’ll be back again soon.

      Reply
  4. The odds of winning might be slightly higher than winning the lottery. A famous humorist, Fran Lebowitz, says, “I have as much chance of winning the lottery whether I buy a ticket nor not.”

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  5. You gave me a great idea next time I go to Vegas . I’m so going to wear a pedometer. Great capture of Vegas too

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  6. So were there lots of pocket dogs there too?

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  7. Wow! I feel better about the annual visits to my folks in Vegas already. I didn’t know how healthy it was – with all that walking. We try to avoid some of the excesses you mentioned. The one thing Vegas lacks in its casinos is: clocks. They don’t want you to worry about the time while you’re at the slots or gaming tables. Enjoyed your post.

    Reply
    • I’m glad I could point out the health benefits to a trip to Vegas. Enjoy your next trip there.

      You are absolutely right about the casinos. They lack clocks and windows. They don’t want you to know how long you’ve been sitting there handing over your hard earned cash. Between the lack of clocks, windows and the fact that everything is open 24 hours, you can easily become disoriented if you spend too much time indoors.

      Reply
  8. Thanks for that glimpse into what Las Vegas is like from a regular point of view. I’ve never been and honestly not sure if I would ever want to go. The only reason would be to see the fountains in front of the Belaggio. I’m fascinated by those. Not into gambling. The hubby has been a couple times for business trips and a bachelor party or two… he was not impressed. But then it’s just not our cup of tea… I’d much rather be out and about in nature and check out the Joshua trees.

    Reply
    • I LOVE the fountains at Bellagio. They are one of the few things I like about being on the Strip. The desert landscape was amazing! That was our first time exploring the desert and it was beautiful in its sparseness and silence.

      Reply
  9. “everything in moderation, even gluttony.”– thanks paprika, that’s my new motto!

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  10. “These teetering women were usually texting as they walked posing a hazard to those of us in more sensible footwear.”

    Couldn’t help but say you saw none other than the infamous hooker. Chick in high heels and constantly texting is just another $30 call girl you mentioned in your post earlier.

    Good blog post!

    Reply
  11. We love Valley of Fire!

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  12. So I’ve been remiss lately and haven’t been reading your posts as soon as I get the email. Shame on me!
    So just read the Vegas post. Love what you said about a bladder the size of a walnut. I have similar problem. In my case my son and stepson claim I know where every bathroom is in every mall I go to. Everyone knows there’s always (cleaner) bathrooms in department stores! ;)
    You are correct. Some of the best appointed bathrooms I’ve experienced were in Vegas…..and my small bladder experienced way too many of them.

    Reply
    • Glad to see you back, Pat :)

      It’s nice to meet a fellow member of the teeny, tiny bladder club. Maybe we should get together to make an app for the nicest public bathrooms in any given area. We could finally derive some benefit out of a lifetime experience of hunting for bathrooms.

      Reply
  13. Love the impression of Winnie the Pooh!!!

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  14. I’ve always wanted to visit Vegas and walk down The Strip. We’re heading there for my friend’s 30th birthday next year, a big group of us from Ireland so should be great fun and I’ll be sure to wear flat shoes, and not silly high heels!

    Reply
    • It would be a fun place to go with a bunch of friends to celebrate a birthday. There were definitely a lot of people there doing exactly that. Walking on The Strip is quite an experience and the people watching is fantastic. You’ll enjoy yourself much more if your feet aren’t in excrutiating pain.

      Reply
  15. Great post. I’ve only been there once but I loved it. If you’ll allow me, I’d like to add two more “excesses” to your list … smokers and perfumes! http://wp.me/p1se8R-1FI

    Really fun post!

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  16. I’ve never been to Vegas, and I never plan to be (unless someone leaves a large amount of money for me there, that has to be picked up in person). But your post is more interesting than anything I’ve read about it so far.

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  17. My family loves Las Vegas and it is only a four hour (or less) drive for us. One time we walked so much that we were all sure that we HAD to be an inch shorter! But it helps walk off all of those buffets….

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    • I had better never go to Vegas again. I’m not quite 5 feet tall and can’t afford to walk an inch off my height.

      It is a ridiculous amount of walking, but it does make you feel better about the buffets and gelato.

      Reply
  18. A funny overview of a trip to Vegas! At least you included some educational side trips!
    As for losing money in those machines, I think like Oregano!! xoxo

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  19. The excessive excessiveness that you noted so excessively, points to the need for excessive indulgences to compensate for our excessively boring lives, essentially.

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  20. I was just trying to help you understand the odds (which are never in your favor). The only way to win is not to play. How about that?! Two movie references in one comment.

    By the way, there was no honey in that rock. Good thing we had the gelato stand waiting for us when we got back!

    Reply
    • I know the odds are never in my favor, but sometimes it’s just fun to play without getting a math lesson between hands :)

      Reply
    • I had to laugh at the honey reference … my thoughts, exactly.

      a Pooh impression, if I ever saw one. Too funny, honey!

      Reply
      • I actually started out by taking a picture of his head inside the rock. After I snapped the photo, I backed up and saw him trying to wiggle out of the hole to stand up. Winnie the Pooh immediately came to mind and I snapped a photo the reverse angle. There were Japanese tourists standing behind me laughing hysterically as I took the picture. Some things just transcend language and culture.

  21. Thanks Paprika! I’ve been to Vegas a number of times…..the funniest situation was when my kids and i searched for nickels in our pockets since those were the slots closest to the entry to the casino. They stood just outside since they were under age….and I played the slots. The 3rd nickel paid off 85 cents so I stopped, trying to teach them a lesson. They wanted more, the typical greedy feeling most people get…I told them in percentages we had done very well. Hopefully they understood….one more lesson moms teach.

    Reply
    • It’s an important lesson to teach them. If it didn’t stick, I recommend having them go to Vegas with Oregano. He has a degree in statistics and will explain the statistical likelihood that they will lose as they are inserting money into the machines. It’s an annoying, yet effective strategy.

      Reply
      • I can imagine that would be a fun discussion with my now 29-year-old philosopher and my 17-year-old who is completing a year of AP statistics. LOL My daughter would just stand there amazed her brothers are so obtuse.

      • Good! Maybe your sons can distract him with their discussion so I can go play 25 cent video poker and black jack without being disturbed.

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